The Rage Page

i love getting drunk the night before exams. i feel like such a badass. oh my… thats sad. very very sad.

SC

where have all the men gone? there are only boys. silly, incandecent, childish boys.

so incredibly bored of being alone. one night stands are becoming tedious. its not that they’re no fun, its just, i hate the idea of empty passion. i miss having someone around. too trust. too spoil. too anoy. too laze about with. too drink with. too laugh with. well, everything really. someone i can phone up when i do something incredibly stupid, whom will see the hilarity within it. someone who will appreciate my strange and fluctuating ways. ugh, tired of loneliness.

everything is moving towards chaos. i appear too have a talent for pissing people off. i really dont mean too. theres just so much stress weighing me down right now, all i wanted is a good weekend. the black hole has engulfed my body, i havent crashed this hard in months. last night was hilarious, and exactly what i needed too feel better. yet, somehow, ive managed too burn a few bridges in the process. i cant help the fact that i get myself twisted into these dark moods, its the way i am. without them, i would not get my overly happy any hyperactive moods, that people are friends with. it simply means, that you have to deal with both, if you are too associate with me. for that, im sorry. its not exactly a peachy thing for me too experience either, so please; just bear with me. most of the time, i find the light at the end of the tunnel.

reaching new levels of laziness. cannot be bothered with sixth form, even though its the height of exam period. im going to lay about all day, watching films and reading books on the Vietnam war. its sort of productive… would prefer to be asleep.

Anonymous asked: Have you done tumblrdatinggame(.)com yet?

no. im not quite THAT lonely yet…

sorting my bloody self out. praying i dont fail these exams. bought a ton of weight watchers meals. have an excersize routine and a jogging partner all sorted. got nice new clothes, that dont paint me as a 14 year old dyke. am going to quit smoking soonish. will CUT DOWN drinknig, as apprently stopping all together is both tedious and stupid. also, am going to attepmt too be a nicer person. which, may i say, is an incredibly hard thing to do when the world is filled to the brim with arseholes. anyway, persisting with life, attempting too boost serotonin.

E

managed too last 12 days without alcohol. couldnt turn down an offer of £40 to spend purely on drink. may have kissed someone regrettable. well, not regretable… simply unexpected. yes, thats a betetr word.

-oh, and tonight was hash cake. my eyes feel like balloons and my rib cage is inflating. i have a feeling ill sleep well tonight.

‘and im singing uh oh on a friday night, and i hope everything’s gonna be alright’

KN

it feels like ive been locked away in slumber for years; finally awake. its incredibly strange. like the haze of nostalgia that has been plauging my view, has been wiped from my mind. the sun is blinding. the days are long. i have so much time to just think. left alone with my fatalist thoughts. i think about myself. i think about whats happened. i think about the future. im not sure if im happy.

im not used to having these silly crushes all the time. i swear i want too have sex with someone new every week. its kind of nice to not feal so empty, but then again; still feeling as lonely as i normally would. plus, the feeling of continuous rejection is beccoming tedious, even if most of it is paranoid imagination. after everything that has occurred over the past 4 years of my life, i realise that i need someone. its sad. its petty. its cliche. but, it goddam true.

i need too be needed. im so much more comfortable with myself, when someone can accept me exactly as i am. to be fair, im not the kind of girl to alter herself for the surroundings. but, sometimes its just easier to breathe when you dont feel isolated. to be perfectly aware that someone apprieciates your quirks, instead of resenting them. i think this is fairly ordinary though, so im just like every other single soul out there. just drifting.

ill find someone. im just hoping its sooner rather than later, as im bloody bored of my existence. someone give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

latest order:

unbreakable,

pans labyrinth,

the little vampire,

sliding doors,

hairspray,

seven pounds,

underworld,

sin city

twelve monkeys,

minority report,

a scanner darkly,

constantine,

beetlejuice,

wanted,

watchmen,

v for vendetta.

i am satisfied with this. no drinknig means more shopping.

i miss writing. when everything is over, im going start on my novel again…

im tired. every time i find my feet, there is another earthquake.

its incredible how fickle the human race can be. i can now look at the people i once trusted, with an incredible taste of bitter resentment on my tounge. how the ones whom have seen me at my worst, no longer wish to see my best. i asked one person too leave. the one person whom could only see me at my worst, due to the two years of inconsitencey we had built; so, taking the advice of my peers, i cut him out. but, what i still cant fathom to this day, almost everyone else left with him. even after they were perfectly aware of the situation. had supported my decision. they chose him. months later, im still pretty damn lost. floating. i have no anchor. no social circle. there are five people left in the world that i can trust. four of them, i barely see. this month out, is going to do me some goood.